1. Marriage and children are not medicine.
Checking SNS of a friend of mine, seeing her complaining her partner for being addicted in games and ignoring her feeling all the way from the beginning when she was in a relationship. Now she was married and has child, and has lived apart recently, posted words like”This time I will definitely divorce him。“ and then deleted them the next day.
This is the worst state of marriage in my mind. I can probably imagine how things got there. When she had problems in love, she thought the problems would be solved after they got married. When she had problems in marriage, she thought the problems would be solved after they had children. In the end, sunk costs are getting higher and higher. Reluctant to give up what has been paid, so she has been increasing the weight, so she is trapped deeper and deeper.
After getting married, you will realize that marriage certificate will not change anything, and it will be locked in the drawer in most time. You are still you, and the problems you ever faced won’t disappear until you solved them on your own initiative. It will be more obvious after you have children. You will be happier if you were happy before, but you will be much more tired if you were tired already. Marriage is not glue, which can’t stick the crack of love; children are not medicine, so they can’t cure the disease of marriage.
2.There are 1000 purposes to get into marriage. Just know what you want.
There are always many aims to enter into a marriage. Some people aim for affections. Some people aim for money. Some people aim for caring from other. And some people aim for registered permanent residence or green card. This is understandable， and nobody is nobler than others. If you look at your friends, those with high marital satisfaction mostly know what they want. The most unacceptable thing is that you want affections so you find a person who is poor, but when you are getting married, you tell the other people you want a big house instead; or you are trying to find an entrepreneur for money, but after getting married, you complain that the other party is busy with work and social intercourse, and can’t give you physical company and spiritual comfort; Or you want a good-looking lover, but dislikes that he/she is not clever enough, not funny in life, not rich, not industrious enough. There are 10000 forms of marriage, but none of them is called “perfect”. Just know what you want before you make a choice and what it means to give up.
3. It’s hard to find a partner who has a common language with you.
You always have a pack of friends to speak with online when you are a teenager. But after your 30, you can’t speak to your friends but only text, because your friends are working overtime or put the child to sleep. At this moment you realize that it’s so hard to find one to chat with. Then you look at your partner, you really realize the difference between love and marriage. The life of love is going to the restaurant, going to the cinema, going shopping, traveling and having fun. However, most of the time, marriage life is not so rich. After putting the children to sleep at eight o’clock in the evening, the tired two finally have time to watch TV together, or play their mobile phones and read books. If you’re lucky enough to meet a partner who has an interesting chat, then these dull hours will be full of joy. My husband and I often talk a lot and we both forget the time until early in the morning when we have to sleep. When I encounter interesting things, have new ideas or hear unexpected news, the first thought into my mind is “talk to my husband when I finished my work”. This is the feeling of “making people want to go home”.